I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
