Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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