you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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