Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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