I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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