His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
