Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I love black thongs
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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