I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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