you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize