What did we do last night that was yellow?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
