i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
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Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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