for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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