My sheets look like a crime scene.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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