everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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