You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
false alarm, still single
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
