I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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