wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
