if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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