It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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