ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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