you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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