i think my tv is drunk
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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