Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize