Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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