I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
