How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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