From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
