so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
