i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
