he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
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Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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