Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize