I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
