Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
