Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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