Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
