Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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