After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
