I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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