it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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