I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
