My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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