cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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