??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
