Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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