Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
