apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
