in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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