I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
