Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
