We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
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You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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