i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
