when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
