If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
