its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
