the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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