return my video game
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
