In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
