I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
