I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
